“There are such a lot of things that have no place in summer and autumn
and spring. Everything that’s a little shy and a little rum. Some kinds
of night animals and people that don’t fit in with others and that
nobody really believes in. They keep out of the way all the year. And
then when everything’s quiet and white and the nights are long and most
people are asleep—then they appear.”
― Tove Jansson, Moominland Midwinter
Since pretty much always, I've been a very private person, preferring my own company to anything else. Socialising or being part of a big group, even for a short time, always made me nervous or tired me out, and I would long for quiet and a good book. In school, I always worried that something was wrong with me, that I couldn't seem to thrive in groups like everyone else did, laugh at silly jokes and gossip. I was a socially inept person, who was hopeless at holding conversations. I had four or five close friends, and that's all I was happy with. I thought that, maybe this was a phase that I might grow out of, with time and increase in confidence.
To the contrary, this "phase" only became worse with time. In high school, when my classmates started going out to parties or sleepovers, I was sitting at home alone, and strangely happy about it. I never made any special effort, or went out of my way to talk to people, just for the sake of having friends. I was fine on my own, though, at times a little lonely. But, it was more than bearable, and I didn't feel the need to conform to anyone's expectations. But, many people, including teachers and peers kept pushing me to "get out more and talk to people", and not to "stay in my shell", and that such behaviour was "unhealthy". This just made me upset, uncomfortable, and was really bad for my self-esteem.
When I left home to go study abroad, I thought, this was it. This was my chance to really get out more, socialise, meet new people and create a whole new image. And, at first, I did make the effort, and made quite a few friends. I did try going out to parties, and really tried to enjoy loud music, big groups and dancing. But then I had this epiphany: This simply wasn't me. I was trying to enjoy something I hated, just so that I could "fit in". But, "fitting in" wasn't something that made me happier. I realised that, in order to be the best version of myself, I had to be comfortable in my own skin, doing what I liked, not what others expected. It doesn't really matter what others think, even if they're giving advice with the best intentions. After that, I consciously started doing things I honestly loved doing: long talks with a few friends, reading or just walking near the river, writing...
This did wonders for my self-confidence.
Introversion isn't a crime, its simply a part of life. It certainly isn't something to be ashamed of. Introverts make the best writers, best poets, best artists, because they feel very deeply and intensely, and they just choose to give vent to their expressions in a different way. They're the most compassionate, and the best listeners, because they don't feel the need to talk about their feelings all the time, rather, they like to listen to others better. They should be respected and cherished, not misunderstood.
― Tove Jansson, Moominland Midwinter
Since pretty much always, I've been a very private person, preferring my own company to anything else. Socialising or being part of a big group, even for a short time, always made me nervous or tired me out, and I would long for quiet and a good book. In school, I always worried that something was wrong with me, that I couldn't seem to thrive in groups like everyone else did, laugh at silly jokes and gossip. I was a socially inept person, who was hopeless at holding conversations. I had four or five close friends, and that's all I was happy with. I thought that, maybe this was a phase that I might grow out of, with time and increase in confidence.
To the contrary, this "phase" only became worse with time. In high school, when my classmates started going out to parties or sleepovers, I was sitting at home alone, and strangely happy about it. I never made any special effort, or went out of my way to talk to people, just for the sake of having friends. I was fine on my own, though, at times a little lonely. But, it was more than bearable, and I didn't feel the need to conform to anyone's expectations. But, many people, including teachers and peers kept pushing me to "get out more and talk to people", and not to "stay in my shell", and that such behaviour was "unhealthy". This just made me upset, uncomfortable, and was really bad for my self-esteem.
When I left home to go study abroad, I thought, this was it. This was my chance to really get out more, socialise, meet new people and create a whole new image. And, at first, I did make the effort, and made quite a few friends. I did try going out to parties, and really tried to enjoy loud music, big groups and dancing. But then I had this epiphany: This simply wasn't me. I was trying to enjoy something I hated, just so that I could "fit in". But, "fitting in" wasn't something that made me happier. I realised that, in order to be the best version of myself, I had to be comfortable in my own skin, doing what I liked, not what others expected. It doesn't really matter what others think, even if they're giving advice with the best intentions. After that, I consciously started doing things I honestly loved doing: long talks with a few friends, reading or just walking near the river, writing...
This did wonders for my self-confidence.
Introversion isn't a crime, its simply a part of life. It certainly isn't something to be ashamed of. Introverts make the best writers, best poets, best artists, because they feel very deeply and intensely, and they just choose to give vent to their expressions in a different way. They're the most compassionate, and the best listeners, because they don't feel the need to talk about their feelings all the time, rather, they like to listen to others better. They should be respected and cherished, not misunderstood.
Cheers :)
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